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It's a two-step process. First, you have to gain their respect in some way, and secondly, you have to set your own personal bounds and limits as to how much bullshit you'll take from them. This of course outlines the entire struggle that all of us as men have to go through during the course of our lives.
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Understanding Body Language:
Dear Derek,
Here's my question today:
One of the biggest problems I’ve had about approaching is NOT being able to follow-up to the opener in my approach, should a good or bad response result.
1) I was in a bar and approached a group of girls all sitting down having a great time. I said "Hello" to the girl nearest "do you mind if I join you ladies?" with a smile and looked also at the other girls. The girl I spoke looked at me then, went silent and looked at the girl in front of her with a bashful smile while all the other girls looked at me. One of her friends said "She wasn't in a talkative mood" - now I get the impression that these girls were not 'expecting' to be approached but also I think that I didn't 'follow up' properly from the opener to stop that SILENT MOMENT. Now this awkward silent moment puts me out of state so the words don't come out. Can you suggest some:
a) dialog to follow up more SMOOTHLY and engage their emotions.
b) some body language that I could use to follow up from this situation in order to build rapport with a GROUP.
2) I saw a girl walking in the street and, noticing her boots, I mensioned "Excuse me, I was looking to buy a present similar to your boots...do you kow any shops around here that may sell stock them?" she mensioned that they wern't bought locally, but also recommended a few shops. I asked her if she visits these shops often...BUT then the conversation seemed to go pretty mundane and platonic. Please can you suggest:
a) some dialog that I can use to follow up smoothly from the opening statement to engage her emotions and thoughts away from the talk about boots.
b) some challenges that I could use to lower her defences
c) The right body language, gestures and tonality I should use in this situation
BAD follow-up to the opener. Makes you look like a whimp. Never ask to join. Why would they let you "join" them when they don't even know you? Instead, focus on an opener that makes them curious. Look at 3 master keys for examples.
As for the 2nd walk-up, good opener but to avoid platonic mundaneness you should get to the point quickly. After a little conversation say to her, "You know.. you seem like an interesting person... and I'd like to continue this conversation but we're both standing here in the street which is kind of unusual... we should continue this conversation over coffee right now.. I believe there's a starbucks around the corner."
She may say no, she can't stop now, then just say you'd like to meet her the next day because you're curious about such-and-such about her.
The point is get in, make it quick, pin down a time to get together right there or the next day, and get out. This is not the place for a long conversation. 2 to 10 minutes in all max.
Regards,
Derek